her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
