i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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