I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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