You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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