Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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