I have demons in me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
