4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize