I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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