my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
