is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
