What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
