proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
