hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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