i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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