just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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