You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
