you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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