I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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