I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
