listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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