I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize