Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
