Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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