Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
