i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've blown a few things in my day
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
