I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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