that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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