Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
