you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
