Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude. I can hear the air.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
