Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need to stop coming to work sober
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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