I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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