Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
