I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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