In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
