One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
