she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
