you didnt know i had herpes?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
