i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
