I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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