Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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