Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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