Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
