Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
