Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
