I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
