remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize