I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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