i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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