That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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