Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
