if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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