Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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