That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
God I need to hump something, right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
