remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize