My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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