Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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