Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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