My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
