By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
