sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
PANTIES FOUND
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
