i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize