i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you had me at cake vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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