Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
