Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
