I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
