i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
