So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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