i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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