guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
