Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
