going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
