Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My vagina is officially offended.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
