Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
